•             Welcome

    This is the personal site of Ted the serendipitist, who has interpreted the Wikipedia definition of 'Hunter-Gatherer' (see that page) as meaning someone who visits junk shops, charity shops, antique shops and hebdomadal matutinal car boot sales in order to acquire low-value objects, which no-one in their right minds would want, at low cost (well, apart from antique shops, that is).

    Deluded Ted believes that at some time in the future, some of his acquisitions will be highly desirable and worth a small fortune.

  •       Car Boot Sales

    TYPES OF SELLERS

    There are two types of sellers at car boot sales, viz traders and ordinary people. Ted tends to avoid traders owing to the high chance of inadvertently purchasing inferior goods at high prices. However, Ted did recently manage to acquire a large number of pairs of everlasting socks at only 50p per pair.

    THE LANGUAGE

    Buyers need to understand traders' language; on asked how much the French carriage clock is, the response might be "toonarf." This would be interpreted as £250. There is no first aid on site for buyers who faint.

    WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT?

    Ted has discovered that, 99% of the time, a strange-looking object is either a massager, a fitness device or a CD rack.

    WIVES

    When a husband and wife team are selling their unwanted items at a car boot stall, it is an interesting fact that, whatever position the husband holds at work, be it dogsbody, manager or chief executive, it is the wife who wears the trousers. If someone asks the wife how much the pretty mug is, she'll say, for example, "50p." However, if the husband were asked, he would turn to his wife and say, "Er... how much for this, dear?" - even if it belongs to him.

    At other times the wife can be heard saying, "No, not there - put it on the ground here...", "You need to turn those round", "You can empty this box now..." or "You can pour me a cup of tea now - you did pack the flask as I asked, didn't you?"

    The simple fact is that women are more suited to this activity than the average man is, and so they naturally take control.

    HAGGLING

    In the early days, Ted's wife would suddenly say, "Ooh, look! They've GOT one!!!" This somewhat weakened Ted's position when he started to haggle. A more appropriate method for achieving a minimal sale price is to pick up the piece unenthusiastically and give a look of horror on hearing the price.

    Some sellers dither when asked the price of an item. At the first sign of this, the buyer should offer a very low price; there is a high chance that it will be accepted, especially if a wife is not in sight.

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Ted’s Houses


27 Beechcroft Avenue – Where It All Started

This is where Ted spent his life until he was aged 28. In winter there was often ice on the inside of the upstairs windows, and all year round there was woodworm in the bathroom ceiling.

You wouldn’t believe how much stuff can be squeezed into a 6½ ft by 8½ ft bedroom if you really put your mind to it, especially if there’s a bed in it.

If you want to have a closer look, click here.

Ted’s bedroom was at the back on the right.  When his brother moved out, Ted’s mum was going to use the spare bedroom as a sewing room, but before she could blink Ted had filled it with his valuables.

109 Mayplace Road East – Where It All Went

Ted bought this house when he left home.

His irreplaceable acquisitions were scattered throughout the house – but not in the roof space.  Only one of the bedrooms actually had a bed in it.  He lived here for three years.  The purchaser’s surveyor pointed out that a back bedroom’s floor was sagging, “probably because of the weight of the pinball machines.”

You may enlarge the picture here.

6 Waverley Road – Where It All Went Next

This is where Ted found he had 5 double bedrooms to fill – and a cellar (which housed a pool table and a lot of woodlice).  It is while living here that he met his future wife (who kinda understands his addiction).

He lived here with his treasures (and yes, that does include his wife) for 15 years.

The shrubs in the front garden were very small when they were planted.

You can look at a bigger picture here.

The Old Vicarage – Where It All Is Now

This is where Ted lives now.

You can only imagine how much stuff has been squeezed in here. And there’s a CELLAR under the whole of the house.  Have a closer look here (at the house, not the cellar).

The floors in the house are very strong.

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