A Second Visit
Yes – Ted, having missed last week’s sale owing to a family commitment, set off on the 82-minute walk to his new car boot sale.
There weren’t quite so many fat women (why use a euphemism when that’s what they are?) this week, but Ted’s experience in the café marquee compensated for that. He sat down with his bacon roll and cup of tea, and when he looked up he found he was facing – yet again – one of the largest women he had ever seen. If there was such a thing as a 99ZZ bra size, she was wearing one; moreover, as is a fat woman’s wont, she was exposing a large area of flesh. She was sitting on a chair (which somehow hadn’t collapsed) and her belly hung over the front of it so that it was a few inches from the ground. There was so much fat in her jowls that she had a permanent sneer.
Ted realised while he was gawking at her that her overweight husband might get the wrong idea, and so he looked away (there were two overweight sons at the table too, and the phrase ‘pummelled to a pulp’ entered Ted’s head).
Hunter-gatherer Ted succumbed a couple of times this week. He spent £4.50 for his treasures plus £3 for the bacon roll and cup of tea. Walking there didn’t cost a penny (apart from the shoe leather) and the bus back was free because Ted used his old fogey’s bus pass.
ET Soft Toy: £2
It’s rather cute, though, isn’t it?
Porcelain Door Knobs: 50p
Ted picked this up from the ground by the seller’s table and thought, “I wonder how much he’ll want for this? – they’re usually between £10 and £15.” The brass plates were solid, not like the plated rubbish that’s around nowadays.
He then heard a man say, “50p.” Ted turned round and saw that it was the seller. Ted held up the knobs, and the seller said again, “50p.” You’ve never seen Ted’s hand move as fast as when it dived into his pocket and retrieved the coin.
Moreover, Ted actually needs these. One of his doors has got black porcelain knobs, all the others in the house being white!
Box of K’Nex: £2
He saw this as soon as he entered the sale, but thought, “No – let someone else have it.”
One thing about boxes of K’Nex is that there is often much more in the box than one might think. In the picture on the left, it looks like the box is only part full and that there isn’t much there, but in the picture below you can see that there is, in fact, quite a lot.
Having wandered around for an hour or so, wondering why there weren’t so many shoes this week, and wondering how strong the café woman’s bed must be, Ted noticed that the K’Nex was still there.
He assumed it was because, like most of the other K’Nex he had seen recently, it was overpriced.
“What are you asking for that?” said Ted. Now there are two things to note here: the first is that Ted did not say, “How much is that?” – he said, “What are you asking for that?” Do you see the difference? The first form implies that it has a price, whereas the second form implies that the asking price will be too high. The second thing to note is that Ted said, “What are you asking for that?” rather than, “What are you asking for the K’Nex?” By feigning ignorance of what it is, the seller might think that Ted does not know anything about it, but if they knew that Ted knew what it was, the stated price might be higher than would otherwise be the case.
“I only want a couple of quid,” said the lady, and so all this psychology was wasted this time.
Ted paid the £2, but it wasn’t long afterwards that he wondered how that café woman washed herself…