•             Welcome

    This is the personal site of Ted the serendipitist, who has interpreted the Wikipedia definition of 'Hunter-Gatherer' (see that page) as meaning someone who visits junk shops, charity shops, antique shops and hebdomadal matutinal car boot sales in order to acquire low-value objects, which no-one in their right minds would want, at low cost (well, apart from antique shops, that is).

    Deluded Ted believes that at some time in the future, some of his acquisitions will be highly desirable and worth a small fortune.

  •       Car Boot Sales

    TYPES OF SELLERS

    There are two types of sellers at car boot sales, viz traders and ordinary people. Ted tends to avoid traders owing to the high chance of inadvertently purchasing inferior goods at high prices. However, Ted did recently manage to acquire a large number of pairs of everlasting socks at only 50p per pair.

    THE LANGUAGE

    Buyers need to understand traders' language; on asked how much the French carriage clock is, the response might be "toonarf." This would be interpreted as £250. There is no first aid on site for buyers who faint.

    WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT?

    Ted has discovered that, 99% of the time, a strange-looking object is either a massager, a fitness device or a CD rack.

    WIVES

    When a husband and wife team are selling their unwanted items at a car boot stall, it is an interesting fact that, whatever position the husband holds at work, be it dogsbody, manager or chief executive, it is the wife who wears the trousers. If someone asks the wife how much the pretty mug is, she'll say, for example, "50p." However, if the husband were asked, he would turn to his wife and say, "Er... how much for this, dear?" - even if it belongs to him.

    At other times the wife can be heard saying, "No, not there - put it on the ground here...", "You need to turn those round", "You can empty this box now..." or "You can pour me a cup of tea now - you did pack the flask as I asked, didn't you?"

    The simple fact is that women are more suited to this activity than the average man is, and so they naturally take control.

    HAGGLING

    In the early days, Ted's wife would suddenly say, "Ooh, look! They've GOT one!!!" This somewhat weakened Ted's position when he started to haggle. A more appropriate method for achieving a minimal sale price is to pick up the piece unenthusiastically and give a look of horror on hearing the price.

    Some sellers dither when asked the price of an item. At the first sign of this, the buyer should offer a very low price; there is a high chance that it will be accepted, especially if a wife is not in sight.

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Car Boot Sale – 5th June 2016


The Third Visit

During the first two visits Ted commented on the number of fat women he saw at the car boot sale. He did so because he just couldn’t believe how many there were and there couldn’t possibly be that many again.

This time there are more comments – not just because there were yet more flabby, fleshy fatties but because Ted now realises that either it is the modern norm or car boot sales attract fat women (because perhaps they have lower earning potential resulting in them looking for bargains). It could, of course, be that females who flaunt their flesh put on weight for some reason, or that something has happened to Ted’s eyes so that they distort certain people.

Anyway, Ted was once again sitting with his cup of tea when he noticed two tree-trunk thighs opposite him. Behind the owner of these was a woman whose dimensions were similar to that of Sandra or Tracey (‘The Fat Slags’) from the Viz magazine.

Ted is thinking about getting some special microprocessor-controlled spectacles which distort fat women so that they look like sylphs. Perhaps Google could help here.

Green Tub of K’Nex:  £2

Green Tub of K'NexTed saw this after a few minutes but decided to wait so that the asking price was not too high (if it was still there!). He wandered around and saw a full tub of K’Nex, and when he asked what the seller was asking for it, he received the response, “£20.” The man was clearly in cloud-cuckoo land.

After an hour or so, Ted returned to the green tub’s seller and said to the woman, “What are you asking for that?” whilst pointing to it.

“Would you say £3?” said the woman. “No,” said Ted, “I wouldn’t. How about two?”

“OK,” said the woman, and Ted handed over the dosh / moolah / spondulicks… or whatever you want to call it.

There wasn’t actually much in it, but the box alone was worth £2. The ubiquitous Lego pieces were discarded.

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