•             Welcome

    This is the personal site of Ted the serendipitist, who has interpreted the Wikipedia definition of 'Hunter-Gatherer' (see that page) as meaning someone who visits junk shops, charity shops, antique shops and hebdomadal matutinal car boot sales in order to acquire low-value objects, which no-one in their right minds would want, at low cost (well, apart from antique shops, that is).

    Deluded Ted believes that at some time in the future, some of his acquisitions will be highly desirable and worth a small fortune.

  •       Car Boot Sales

    TYPES OF SELLERS

    There are two types of sellers at car boot sales, viz traders and ordinary people. Ted tends to avoid traders owing to the high chance of inadvertently purchasing inferior goods at high prices. However, Ted did recently manage to acquire a large number of pairs of everlasting socks at only 50p per pair.

    THE LANGUAGE

    Buyers need to understand traders' language; on asked how much the French carriage clock is, the response might be "toonarf." This would be interpreted as £250. There is no first aid on site for buyers who faint.

    WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT?

    Ted has discovered that, 99% of the time, a strange-looking object is either a massager, a fitness device or a CD rack.

    WIVES

    When a husband and wife team are selling their unwanted items at a car boot stall, it is an interesting fact that, whatever position the husband holds at work, be it dogsbody, manager or chief executive, it is the wife who wears the trousers. If someone asks the wife how much the pretty mug is, she'll say, for example, "50p." However, if the husband were asked, he would turn to his wife and say, "Er... how much for this, dear?" - even if it belongs to him.

    At other times the wife can be heard saying, "No, not there - put it on the ground here...", "You need to turn those round", "You can empty this box now..." or "You can pour me a cup of tea now - you did pack the flask as I asked, didn't you?"

    The simple fact is that women are more suited to this activity than the average man is, and so they naturally take control.

    HAGGLING

    In the early days, Ted's wife would suddenly say, "Ooh, look! They've GOT one!!!" This somewhat weakened Ted's position when he started to haggle. A more appropriate method for achieving a minimal sale price is to pick up the piece unenthusiastically and give a look of horror on hearing the price.

    Some sellers dither when asked the price of an item. At the first sign of this, the buyer should offer a very low price; there is a high chance that it will be accepted, especially if a wife is not in sight.

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eBay – 6th November 2014


Clay Adams Laboratory Counter:  $50 (+ $27.17 p&p + $17.84 duty)

Blood-Cell Counter

Blood-Cell Counter

You know, Ted has wanted one of these for a long time, and so he decided to like take the plunge and pay more than, you know, he really wanted to for it.

Basically, it’s meant to be used for counting like blood-cell types or whatever, but Ted, you know, had a much better use in mind – a Verbal Filler Counter (VFC), sort of thing.

Verbal-Filler Counter

Verbal-Filler Counter

Most teenagers nowadays – and even people in their 20s – seem to, sort of, add like extra words when they’re like talking. They can’t seem to like say a sentence without adding like an extra word, or whatever, to it, kind of thing.

One way to like point this out is to like sit with them with the counter on the table, sort of thing. Then, whenever they kind of add one of these like extra words, a click is heard. They may like wonder what is going on, especially if there is like a slight sort of delay like between the speech impediment and the click.

If the English language corrupter asks like what the counter is for, they can be asked like to work it out for themselves, any like delay being gradually reduced to zero until they like twig. It can take a long time.

After this, a fine of 5p per incident can kind of be imposed so that like the cost of the counter can be defrayed, sort of thing.

Ted has relabelled the VFC so that the labels reflect the type of filler: L for “like”, YK for “you know”, KO for “kind of”, SO for “sort of”, OW for “or whatever”, and ER for “erm” or “um”. He may later add SOF for “should of”, but this is an example of like ignorance rather than a filler, or whatever.

Exercise

What would the counts be if a teenager like read all this text aloud?

 

 

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One Response

  1. Love it.
    Hate the duty paid on an imported used item.

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