Threepenny-Bit Tin: £1
Yes – Ted has found the perfect container for some of his 3d bits. He uses these to play his two Bally Bingo machines.
He was expecting the seller to ask silly prices for his tins (as they usually do), but was pleasantly surprised to find that they were all priced at a most reasonable £1.
It was just after Ted had made this serendipitous purchase that he actually heard a WIFE asking her HUSBAND how much something was to be sold for – a rare occurrence indeed given that husbands are nearly always under the control of their better half.
3 Riveting Books: £1
Have you noticed how many modern books are filled with white space? Some authors write chapters consisting of less than one page, resulting in a book of, say, 370 pages containing something like 110 chapters. Each chapter typically starts a third of the way down a new page, meaning that, on average, five-sixths of a page is wasted for each one. Moreover, the top, bottom and side margins are larger than they need be, and a larger-than-necessary font size is used to boot. Those 370 pages would have been around 150 at most in the past.
Well, these books are real ones: long chapters, small margins and smallish print, and should provide a good read, not one that takes a single morning.
Iroko Box: £1
As we all know, iroko is a large hardwood tree from the west coast of tropical Africa, sometimes referred to as African Teak, though it is unrelated to the teak family (thank you, Wikipedia).
Ted will no doubt stick a label on the bottom saying ‘Hand-made in Africa’, together with a price saying ‘£19.95’, wrap it in some nice paper, and then present it as a gift.
Shortly after this unwise purchase was made, just after Ted had passed a stall where a man was trying to sell his late mother’s collection of elephants, he overheard an interesting conversation:
“How are yer, mate?”
“Pi**ed off,” was the reply, “I placed an each-way bet on the Irish Derby, and I must’ve picked up the credit card slip but not the f***ing betting slip! Can’t collect my f***ing win.”
It reminded Ted of the case a few years ago where a chap lost his winning lottery ticket. £3m was at stake. The lottery-operator Camelot’s rules are clear: a lost ticket must be reported within one month of purchase, and claims (with the ticket) must be made within six months, otherwise no pay-out. Even though Camelot were ‘110% sure’ that the claim was genuine, it was refused.
The moral of this is that if you’ve made a gamble, KEEP THE TICKET and REMEMBER TO CHECK IT!