•             Welcome

    This is the personal site of Ted the serendipitist, who has interpreted the Wikipedia definition of 'Hunter-Gatherer' (see that page) as meaning someone who visits junk shops, charity shops, antique shops and hebdomadal matutinal car boot sales in order to acquire low-value objects, which no-one in their right minds would want, at low cost (well, apart from antique shops, that is).

    Deluded Ted believes that at some time in the future, some of his acquisitions will be highly desirable and worth a small fortune.

  •       Car Boot Sales

    TYPES OF SELLERS

    There are two types of sellers at car boot sales, viz traders and ordinary people. Ted tends to avoid traders owing to the high chance of inadvertently purchasing inferior goods at high prices. However, Ted did recently manage to acquire a large number of pairs of everlasting socks at only 50p per pair.

    THE LANGUAGE

    Buyers need to understand traders' language; on asked how much the French carriage clock is, the response might be "toonarf." This would be interpreted as £250. There is no first aid on site for buyers who faint.

    WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT?

    Ted has discovered that, 99% of the time, a strange-looking object is either a massager, a fitness device or a CD rack.

    WIVES

    When a husband and wife team are selling their unwanted items at a car boot stall, it is an interesting fact that, whatever position the husband holds at work, be it dogsbody, manager or chief executive, it is the wife who wears the trousers. If someone asks the wife how much the pretty mug is, she'll say, for example, "50p." However, if the husband were asked, he would turn to his wife and say, "Er... how much for this, dear?" - even if it belongs to him.

    At other times the wife can be heard saying, "No, not there - put it on the ground here...", "You need to turn those round", "You can empty this box now..." or "You can pour me a cup of tea now - you did pack the flask as I asked, didn't you?"

    The simple fact is that women are more suited to this activity than the average man is, and so they naturally take control.

    HAGGLING

    In the early days, Ted's wife would suddenly say, "Ooh, look! They've GOT one!!!" This somewhat weakened Ted's position when he started to haggle. A more appropriate method for achieving a minimal sale price is to pick up the piece unenthusiastically and give a look of horror on hearing the price.

    Some sellers dither when asked the price of an item. At the first sign of this, the buyer should offer a very low price; there is a high chance that it will be accepted, especially if a wife is not in sight.

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Car Boot Sale – 8th May 2011


Miscellaneous Household Items:  £5.50

These amazing purchases include the following (readers are to attempt to determine which description fits each item):

  1. A rare example of a cylindrical roll of flexible containers manufactured from low-density polyethylene, each item having one extremity sealed using a heat process, thus forming a closed end. Twenty of these containers are flattened and then conjoined to form a roll, a line of small, closely-spaced perforations separating each pair so that a small amount of force will, if applied at an appropriate angle, allow one of them to be removed from the roll for use (£1).
  2. Special paste for the cleaning of hard, bonelike enamel-coated structures which are embedded in the jawbones of members of the Homo sapiens species. (£2).
  3. A brace of pods of the solanaceous genus Capsicum, often used as an accompaniment to a pungent edible bulb of the lily family together with an edible fungus of rapid growth with a stem and umbrella-shaped cap, for culinary purposes (50p).
  4. A number of connectors for attaching, for horticultural irrigation purposes, a long, flexible, plastic or synthetic rubber pipe which incorporates a reinforced internal web of fibres, to a manually-controlled device which delivers a clear, transparent, colourless liquid, (perfectly neutral in its reaction) and devoid of taste or smell. (£2).
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